TheCynicalCatCoven

Sarcastic Oversized Shirt Dark Feminine Quote Alcohol Nicotine Humor

✔ Free shipping to U.S., U.K. & Europe. Rest of world = calculated at checkout.

$57.95 USD

Sale Sold out

✔ 15% OFF on every piece in the Coven. Applied automatically at checkout — no code, no tricks.

Color Black White

Size S M L XL 2XL 3XL 4XL

"I’m fine. Just processing emotions with alcohol and nicotine like a lady."
A little burnout, a little class, and a lot of coping.
This shirt is for the ones who wear emotional damage like perfume and self-destruction like highlighter.

Perfect for anxious feminists, sarcastic romantics, and every soft psycho who’s done pretending to “journal it out.”

Oversized unisex fit
Heavy cotton comfort for your emotional hangover

Why You’ll Love It

Oversized, drop-shoulder fit = instant emotional armor.
Double-sided art: statement on the front, attitude on the back.
Signature branding: printed inner neck tag + left-sleeve mark.
Premium 220 g/m² combed cotton—soft hand, substantial weight.
Original artwork by The Cynical Cat Coven (witchy, feminist, dark humor).
Designed to last and age beautifully.

These aren’t one-off products. Each illustration is a collectible piece you can curate over time across formats: framed posters, oversized tees, mugs, notebooks, and digital prints. Build a moody gallery wall, pair it with a statement tee, or let your coffee mug carry the same witchy bite. Your space and your style, speaking the same message.
Want a different format?
If you love an illustration and can’t find it in the product you want, message me on and I’ll create a custom just for you. Most format switches are possible (poster ↔ tee ↔ mug ↔ notebook ↔ digital), with a 2–6 business day turnaround.
Note: artwork itself stays true to the original; slight layout tweaks may apply to fit each product.

Shipping & Processing

Free Shipping US/UK/EU 🤍

Processing: 2–6 business days.
Transit after dispatch:
• USA: 3–6 business days
• UK: 4–8 business days
• EU: 4–10 business days
Estimated delivery shown at checkout = processing + transit. Items may ship separately.
Returns: If your package gets lost or your item arrives damaged, message me right away and I’ll either replace it or issue a full refund.

⚠️ During Black Friday & Christmas, chaos slows everything. Order early.

Details & Specs

Fit & Fabric

Unisex oversized cut with drop shoulders, relaxed drape
100% combed cotton, 220 g/m² / 6.5 oz/yd²
Ribbed crew neckline, reinforced seams

Print & Branding

Front + back DTG print with water-based inks
Left-sleeve mini mark for a subtle brand hit
Printed inner neck tag (size + brand) for a tag-free feel
Artwork is proportionally scaled by size; small placement variations may occur

Care

Machine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle
Non-chlorine bleach only when needed
Tumble dry low or hang dry
Cool iron inside out if needed; do not iron the print
Do not dry clean

Notes

Colors can vary slightly from screen to fabric

How It’s Made

We don’t do piles of merch waiting in warehouses. We conjure each piece when you ask for it. One order = one spell.
No mass production, no overstock — every piece is summoned just for you
Original design by The Cynical Cat Coven
Drink. Smoke. Cry cute. Wear it anyway.